Here I am, almost at the end of 5 free hours to do whatever I want. No work to do quite yet, daughter at nursery. So why have I been busy and not relaxed?
I don’t know, but I do know that this isn’t new for me.
For some reason I feel like I have to be doing things. Useful things. That sitting still doing nothing, reading nothing, thinking nothing is just somehow not allowed because it’s not worthwhile.
Even after having a baby, when the months that followed were the most intense times in my life. The first 3 months were just about feeding her, changing nappies and watching her sleep. The next 3 months a bit easier when she fed a bit less and slept a bit more. And then once she started eating solids and moving around, well it got busy again…….
So why then do I still feel compelled to do something at all times?
Yesterday we’d arrived early to meet family so that she could nap. She napped peacefully for over an hour in the shade of a tree. I didn’t know what to do with myself!
Have I got round to booking myself a nice spa day or even an afternoon? No. I’ve been to the dentist, and the doctor, got a light replaced on my car, tidied some bits of the house, done some life admin. But have I treated myself to some time for relaxation? No.
And in looking for work, I’ve already found a project to start next week. Which means any idea of relaxation will be put on hold for a few months while I concentrate on that.
I don’t think I’m alone in this though.
I also think that because I’m an introvert, and my idea of relaxation and ‘me’ time is being by myself, walking or taking photos, I feel guilty asking for time to do this. There’s always something that needs doing.
So what’s the solution?
Get into the habit of putting something into my diary for me. Start with meeting up with friends if that feels easier. Then build in quiet time for me once I’m used to having that time.
Find some accountability for doing this, someone to remind me to do it. Perhaps Emma at Courage and Chamomile can help me with this. Maybe there are other mums out there who’d like some company in their quest for time to themselves.
If this is something that resonates with you, comment below, or get in touch!
This photo was taken in Switzerland a few years ago, while on a business trip. It was a nice location to have a client!